Trying to read up on 3 1/2 weeks of blogs is like reading war and peace backwards and in russian.....it's fair to say i'm totally lost. in one or two sentences, can someone sum up what i've missed. to answer all possible forthcoming questions i'd like to provide a Reeganesque blog (in length, not style) chronicling my travels across the Orient.

i had an apple pie at the McDonalds in Shanghai and they are tast-eee. they deep fry it instead of bake it. if you ever have a doubt about what you're cooking....just fry it. it's sure to come out tasting great. ummm, think of the possibilities........ fried ___insert favorite animal____ balls, yummy.

either i'm a super star or a super freak (not Rick James super freak, but Mike's Hard Lemonade super freak with the second head growing on the guy's shoulder)......everyone in China stares without the concept of shame or politeness. pointing and staring gets a little old after awhile, especially when a billion people do it. it's like they've never seen a 6' Chinamen and his identical looking 6' brother.

i was told not to drink the water......but that still doesn't explain the dead dude i saw floating in a river in Beijing.

i don't know what's so great about the Great Wall.....if i had a billion people i'd build four of them, then add a roof. that way my country would be one big room and no one could get in.

it was pretty ass-crack-sweating-hot....i'd take a shower, walk outside, and feel like taking another shower. for you statisticians, i averaged 3.4 showers a day for 21 days.

Chinamen in China drive like Chinamen here......they're crazy. hey i think i'll make a left now. oh don't worry, those 80 cars coming our way will stop. then when i got to Hong Kong, they all drive on the wrong side of the road. what the flying-duck is going on here? didn't the British leave already? i almost got hit like ten times.

they don't have our standard 9-5, mon-fri hours. instead, everyone works all the time....... i saw two five year olds paving cement at 2 a.m.

every night they have ballroom dancing in the public parks.....i believe it's a communist thing.

i saw an entire family of four on a scooter designed for one.

they have a lot courts in China, but only once did i see people playing ball. instead they enjoy their typical communist sports of ping pong, badminton, and kick the capitalist.

Air China only allows one carry-on item.....so i had to leave seven of my other brides back on the mainland.

i hit my head on the ceiling of the airplane when i stood up.

i hit my head on the ceiling of the metro when i stood up.

i hit my head on the ceiling of the double decker bus when i stood up.

I hit my head on the ceiling of the ferry when i stood up.

i hit my head on the ceiling of my hotel room when i stood up.

i hit my head on the ceiling of the taxi when i sat down.

needless to say, i have a lot of bruises on my head.

i drove by Yao Ming's house ('cause it's right by my dad's old house) and i bet he has a lot of bruises on his head too.

i only got sick once....of course i didn't unclench my anal sphincter until last night.

i only have 11.5 hours of film, 24 rolls of film, and 2042 digital photos of China. if anyone's interested, i'll be reliving China tues thru sunday.

so, yeah, that's most of everything. i highly recommend going sometime. if there are any other questions, or a need for clarification, feel free to blog it.

ECP